The contents of this page are entirely fictitious and intended for humorous effect. The resemblance of any actual person, living or dead, is entirely incidental and not meant to hurt or offend any person, place or thing.
The above disclaimer is entirely real (except for the concept of offending places and things) and necessary for us at the Back Page to not get sued or accused of libel/slander. You will see a disclaimer from now on for every Back Page.
Seriously, here’s why we have to do this. A few alumni complained upon reading the first issue of the Pioneer this semester. They were confused and thought that George Bridges wrote the “Message to the First-Years” printed on the Back Page. Due to the frequent references to Harry Potter, his claim that he hoards cookies, his insistence that Four-West hold free and democratic elections and that it was published on what has been understood for years as the humor page, we assumed that people would understand that it was a joke. We assumed wrong. The article in question is published this week with corrections immediately to your right.
As recent Beta Pledges, Dru and Stephen know the consequences of taking a joke too far. Upon considering the claims made against us we agree that we have gone too far and are clearly in need of censorship. We whole-heartedly accept the accusations.
No. We don’t accept the accusations. In fact, we don’t think that they go far enough. What we wrote was for all intents and purposes outright propaganda, not simply slander. We are so sorry for our actions and will no longer serve the student body as weekly satirists of Whitman College events. Instead we will be fearful obedient servants of the money-making operations of the college. The Back Page will no longer be humor-based, but rather will only have pictures of cute puppies and kitties (and we will make sure that the animals sign release forms).