Experiencing the Spanish life

by Sally Sorte – Spain

Can’t find the light switch? Try using your knee. Smoking is rampant, and tobacco stunts growth.

If you’re vegetarian get ready to eat Ghandi-style.  You can’t even order an ensalada because it’ll def contain tuna; dolphin safety questionable.

Flip-flops don’t exist. If you’re at the end of your Rainbows then you’re out of luck.

Rubias may not use the verb ‘pensar’ because blondes just don’t think.

There are assigned seats at the cine, and if you make any ruido people will throw their palomitas at you.

Tiendas are closed on Saturday, Sunday, or between 2-5 p.m. on weekdays; the gente are sleeping.

If you’re wondering why the party is weak at midnight it’s because you’re two hours too early.

In a restaurant, ‘tipping’ means rounding up to the next whole euro; I don’t know what it means for vacas.

‘Robbing the cradle’ simply doesn’t translate. You will have people triple times your edad soliciting your phone number and demonstrating foreplay onomatopoeia.

Don’t order a tortilla to satiate your Taco Truck cravings, because you’ll receive a Spanish omelette.

Look before you cross the street. Pedestrians have no rights, only what’s left after the cars.

Playboy is unnecessary; surf the canales after midnight.

Take caution when walking over a grate in a skirt, the air will blow it straight up à la Marilyn Monroe.

From a broad

-Where douche is a verb, not an insult…

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